Becoming a Crazy Cat Lady

Struggling

2012-01-11T10:42:00.001-06:00

I'm feeling lonely and can't seem to get myself motivated. I had a good sub day on Monday, but I just felt like I was in pieces Tuesday morning and I still feel that way. I don't know why I'm like this and I wish I could figure out how to just stop it and get on with life.

First Week

2012-01-08T20:17:00.003-06:00

2012 is starting off pretty good. Worked most days packing, cleaning, moving, and unpacking at Dad's office. Was sad not to get any subbing days, but I'm so glad that my low season only lasted one day. Those have the potential to last weeks and I just can't seem to get anything done during them. I have some resolutions and goals and I hope to keep working towards them.

I do have a sub day tomorrow so the second week is off to a really great start (except for the part where kitty decided to make a mess all the way along the hall - it's cleaned up now). I don't know how else God is working, but I'm praying that I am content with His will.

Happy New Year

2012-01-01T00:34:00.003-06:00

Well, the year has just turned over. What will 2012 hold? That is for God to know and I'll probably find out. I certainly couldn't have predicted how 2011 would end after the way it began.

I lost my Grandma. I started a new job, hated it, and quit in about ten months. Reevaluated what I want to do in life and went back to teaching, but also applied for my masters of education in teacher-librarianship. Reconnected with some friends; let others go. Paid off my interest-bearing loans and then spent too much. Found my art in quilting and also started looking into other crafting and sewing areas. Played more facebook games than ever and got sick of them - will be blocking a lot of them now. Got one of each class in World of Warcraft to 85, but the best is still just playing with my friends.

All in all it was a pretty good year. I most definitely feel better now than before. Here's to hoping the journey continues in the direction God guides.

Happy New Year to you all!

Dawn of New Era

2011-12-22T12:55:00.002-06:00

Well I've just paid for my teacher-librarian application and found another person to ask to be my referee. I'm really applying for this and I'm really hoping I get in. I need a third referee and some more paperwork. Experience is the main thing I lack, but I sure hope my referees and statement of intent can make up for it. Please take some time and pray for this and for me over the next two months and then however long it takes to hear back.

Happy Birthday to ME!

2011-12-21T09:32:00.003-06:00

Yay it's my birthday and I'm having an awesome supper with wonderful friends and I'm very excited.

Yesterday was my last day at the yucky job and it was good. I got a card and a lot of them told me to stop by and visit and update them when I get a full-time job and stuff. I look forward to being available to sub full-time - especially since a lot of my calls came on days committed to the other job. I've still only had the 2 subbing days, but it's so close to Christmas I didn't expect any more.

Day 2

2011-12-09T15:47:00.003-06:00

I had another day of subbing today :) It was just supposed to be morning, but it ended up being full. I'm still liking the library, but I did have a reminder as to why high school is not for me. Ah well. I already knew that. Hopefully I won't have to take a term at a high school before I get a library that is more my age group.

I have two of my three needed references locked in for the Teacher-Librarian program. I'm not entirely sure who else to ask. They suggest principals, district supervisors, university professors, and anyone with a graduate degree. I have my high school principal and my senior practicum faculty supervisor and they'll be great, but I need a third person. This will require some serious thought and prayer.

An End

2011-12-06T18:44:00.002-06:00

I handed in my notice for the yucky job today. I am very excited and very pleased. My boss was a little sad, but very understanding. So now I have to be careful about finances and not allow myself any slacking when it comes to getting my time in at the different libraries and talking with different staff. Looking forward to the plans God has for me.

Another School

2011-11-23T16:18:00.002-06:00

Visited another library this afternoon. I reshelved some non-fiction and then spent the rest of the afternoon pulling Christmas books so that they could be displayed together. I had a nice chat with the librarian there and got an idea that may or may not help in getting my masters - needs a lot more thought and fleshing out and research and all that good academic stuff. I gave her one of my new business cards that I made and she said she'd add it to the business cards posted in the staff room. I have a few more libraries to visit, but my goal is to do that by the end of January. I'm thinking that I will quit the yucky job before Christmas so that I can have Christmas holidays and then I'll make sure that I'm in the schools four days a week, even if a good chunk of them are volunteer days - eventually I'll be people's first sub choice (the librarians anyway).

And great news - I finished my quilt top!! I may need to add a border to get the sizing right, but that's easy compared to everything else I did. I'm very pleased with how it looks.

Where have the days gone?

2011-11-18T18:12:00.002-06:00

I feel like far too much time has passed for the little I've accomplished. I've been working on my quilt, but I find I get tired rather easily. I haven't had any additional sub days which makes me quite sad. The teacher-librarian program is sounding more tempting, but I think I'd like a few more library days before deciding to make such a huge investment. My plan is to volunteer at some of the other elementary schools and try to shadow my former teacher for a day or two. I need to be educated and make a good decision.

I decided that I wanted to keep my car a while longer, but it's already proving difficult. I had it parked for three hours without plugging in and it very nearly didn't start. Took a lot of tries to get it going. I told work that I'm only doing Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays now - that takes some relief off, but now I have an e-mail saying that they want to talk to me about covering some holidays in December. I'm thinking that my time to decide when to quit there is growing short. I'm not sure she'll accept that I'm only doing those 3 days. Without getting more sub calls I don't feel comfortable quitting, but if I commit to additional days at the job then I won't be available in case I do get called. ~sigh~ It's all so very difficult for me.

First Day Back

2011-11-08T20:46:00.003-06:00

I had a really great day. I love being back in the school and hearing the kids. I certainly love books and the library lets me see that there's soooo many I have yet to read - and a lot of them look good. Yes there is checking books in and out and reshelving books, but that's not all a librarian does. Today I missed getting to read stores to the Kindergartens and Grade Ones because they forgot about it, but I worked with some Grade Twos who are in a book club and get to do some projects related to that.

I also worked with a class of Grade Fours and I loved being back in the classroom. I got to help them brainstorm all sorts of questions that they could answer when they start doing their research projects on animals. Choosing between classroom teacher and teacher-librarian may be a really hard choice, but I think it's easier to get full-time work as a librarian. Still not 100% sure that's what I want - I only got a small snapshot. The day was great and I am definitely glad to be a teacher again and can't wait to see what other experiences I'll have.

The Night Before

2011-11-07T20:37:00.002-06:00

Well I'm not scared nervous like I used to be, but I'm definitely excited nervous. I want to do this well and I've never done this before. This will be my first time subbing for a librarian. I'm not even sure what they all do. I hope to learn a lot and gain some insight as to whether or not this a good career path for me. I certainly like the idea of being a teacher-librarian, but I have no experience to know if I'll like the reality. Feels good to be going back.

WOOHOO!!!

2011-11-04T15:31:00.002-06:00

I'm on the sub list!!! A blog cannot contain my excitement!

I went to the elementary school this afternoon to volunteer in whatever way I could help in the library. I chatted with the librarian, she raved about the Teacher-Librarian program at the U of A, and then she realized she needed a sub so we checked the list and I was on it so she booked me!!!

Add to that, I'm making fabulous progress on a quilt I actually plan to put on my bed asap. I just need to go back for some more fabric. There's some massive fabric sales on this weekend and I am just stoked to blow some (hopefully not too much) money on new project ideas.

I cannot remember a time when I've been this happy and expected it to last. I am feeling God's blessing right now. Sometimes I need the reminder that God is good ALL the time.

Not Gone

2011-10-23T14:47:00.003-06:00

Hey all. I'm not gone, just really tired. Working full time at the yucky job just drains me of energy. I still haven't heard about the sub list, but I did get my certification straightened out at the Ministry. I've also been working on rearranging my things, but now I find I need more space for storage ~sigh~.

No Court

2011-10-13T06:47:00.001-06:00

Apparently I'm supposed to get a different trial date via the mail. I'd really like to just get this whole thing over with already.

Slacking

2011-10-11T19:57:00.002-06:00

Sorry I keep slacking on the blog. I keep having to work a ton at the yucky job and there just doesn't seem to be any energy left to do anything. And there's so much to do: quilting, organizing, rearranging, cleaning, reading, playing, catching up on shows, and probably a whole lot of things that I've forgotten.

I applied for another job. It's always exciting to think about, but I know I don't have much chance and that disappoints me. Hopefully I'll manage to get in a call about my certification this week so that I have an idea of when I'll be on the sub list. I need to get started to build up my experience and such.

Tomorrow is my date in traffic court. This is truly terrifying: all the strangers, a new experience, and I just have no idea what the outcome will be. I'm just trying to prepare myself to accept whatever the judge says, even if it isn't in my favour.

Busy Busy

2011-10-04T09:54:00.003-06:00

I don't really think I've been doing all that much but I feel like I'm really busy and have no time to do anything. I have to work extra days at the yucky job this week which sucks. I'm going to Edmonton for the weekend so that's awesome. Still waiting to be officially a teacher again. I'm considering going for my teacher-librarian. but we'll see - need more info.

No New Car

2011-09-29T10:03:00.002-06:00

Brought the Mazda to Warman to show my dad and it was too loud when I hit 110. Since I'm hoping to do lots of subbing and that'll probably mean lots of highway time, I need a car that will please me there. I did test drive an '05 Focus hatchback that was a lot quieter. So I feel a little more knowledgeable and hopeful that I can find something with a better price and feel.

I am now anxiously awaiting my renewed teacher certificate since one of the teachers I talked to on Monday asked me to sub this week. I'm simply not allowed until the certificate is renewed. Ah well. Something to look forward to. Maybe next week. Just three days a week will let me quit at Prairie Meats. That doesn't sound like much, but we'll have to wait and see how it goes. ~fingers crossed~

New Car

2011-09-26T18:46:00.002-06:00

I hope to buy a new-to-me car tomorrow. I told the guy I want to make a deal and then waved off his price with a 'should be good' - there's other things to negotiate though. We'll see how it goes. It's a 2009 blue Mazda 3 hatchback. original owners bought it from the same dealership and had it serviced there. I need to ask about accidents and whether or not it was out in the hailstorm and if they're original tires - apparently those aren't so good in winter ice.

I got all my paperwork handed in to the division office so I'm just waiting for my renewed teacher certificate and then I can be on the sub list. I visited my old high school on the way and it is so different. It's huge and there's only about 6 staff that are the same. I managed to chat with 4 of them. It's funny though cuz one of the classrooms I passed felt just like my nightmares I had for a while about being a high school student again.

Paperwork

2011-09-23T18:32:00.002-06:00

I got a letter from the school division today. It says I have to sign and bring in a whole lot of paperwork, but then they'll put my name on the sub list! I was getting rather discouraged from everything, but maybe it will start to work out. I don't really like subbing because a day is hardly enough time to get to know the students, but I need the experience and maybe I'll hit it off with some schools and get multiple days. I really really hope I get some work. If I can get even 3 days a week it's enough to quit at the yucky job, though I might try to pick up a Saturday shift in town or something. Even better would be if it lead to something more permanent, but I guess I'll leave that to God.

Another Week

2011-09-21T21:17:00.002-06:00

I got my Monday off, but I'm full time for the rest of the week. I feel weary. Tomorrow, Mom is picking me up and taking me out to the Berry Barn and I'm really looking forward to it. Plus, she is thinking that maybe we can go to Edmonton soonish. YAY!! Very grateful to have things to look forward to. Wishing that I was looking forward to a new job and life, but I guess those things will have to wait for God's timing.

Surviving

2011-09-18T12:26:00.001-06:00

Well I survived my two full time weeks. I'm exhausted and will need another day of recovery. I taught my first Sunday School today. It's new and awkward, but it'll be alright. No new jobs to apply for. That's about all that's up with me.

Decision

2011-09-10T14:31:00.002-06:00

Well, three days in a row my car refused to just get me home. I know it's too hot - the car's still okay, the model just doesn't do such hot weather. But it's making pretty clear that I need to decide whether to move and walk, stay and walk, or get a new vehicle. I really want to move, but I can't afford it - I think it would take 2 full time jobs. I don't feel right spending money on a new vehicle either. I feel like I lifted my foot to take the next step only I can't figure out where God wants me to put it down - no way I can stand like that forever. If only I could figure out what to do. I feel lost. Abandoned. I feel like someone turned out the lights and I'm not sure where the hole in the floor is. I need some time and some space, but both of those are in short supply.

Disappointment

2011-09-08T07:48:00.002-06:00

Well, the job I wanted most closed on Tuesday and I never heard anything. A christian classroom would have been sooo amazing, even if it wasn't my preferred grade. I haven't even got a response regarding Sunday School. Starting to think they don't want me either. It's discouraging. Meanwhile, I've got 2 full time weeks at a job that I hate - it feels like a prison, there's entirely too much cussing, my desk literally stinks lately, and it feels absolutely meaningless. It also leaves me far too tired to attempt anything in the evenings. I have a quilt that Grandma started that I intend to finish (even if it's not quite her plan). I also have so much cleaning and organizing to do, as well as trying to get something together that can make my application stand out. How some people work 2 full time jobs just to keep a roof over their heads, I'll never know. I just don't have that kind of stamina.

So that's where I'm at this week. Stressed, depressed, and nothing to apply for at the moment.

Another App

2011-09-01T10:30:00.002-06:00

Applied for another job just now. Nervousness and excitement are the current feelings. I always imagine what it could be like. It's dangerous because it makes me more disappointed when I don't get an interview/job, but it's also important because it gives me hope, keeps me going, and gets my planning just in case I get my miracle. This job is the first I've applied for in Alberta for a few years, but it would be a Christian classroom and I would just be ecstatic over that. With an asap start, I'll need more than a lot of prayer, both for getting the job and then getting started.

Back to School part deux

2011-08-31T06:48:00.002-06:00

Well the kids go back today. I still haven't heard anything. I haven't even had a response about teaching Sunday School. Suddenly wondering if I was following God's whispers or just a whim. I am trying to be positive and at least get some work done in cleaning/purging. Just feels like a bit of a let down.

Back to School

2011-08-29T06:18:00.002-06:00

Well today is the day all the teachers go back to school, except me. I didn't even get called for an interview. I know it would've taken a miracle to get a job, but I thought maybe it was my turn for one. There was a sale on Saturday so I've got a good basic wardrobe to get me started. I told my church I'd teach Sunday School. Now I just have to figure out what else I can do to either earn money and/or improve my chances of getting an interview next time. I just don't know what to do.

Waiting...

2011-08-22T16:36:00.002-06:00

... it's always the hard part. I know I don't have a very good shot, but I do want this. Unfortunately, I know that one of my references hasn't been called so my chances for an interview are very slim. It's hard to stay motivated while I'm feeling so awful, but school hasn't started yet. There's still hope for health and a job before then. Knowing that I have people who want me to succeed is definitely a blessing and I'm trying not to let the others get me down.

I did it

2011-08-10T22:35:00.002-06:00

I filled out the application to the best of my ability and I hit that submit button. The rest is in God's hands. Even if I hear nothing I need to keep a positive attitude and purposely do things that will get me what I need, like teaching Sunday School or kids club or whatever. Getting a job would be totally scary, there's so little time left before the school year starts, but I am so much better equipped then I was the last time I tried this.

Please pray with me.

One Year Later

2011-08-09T20:28:00.002-06:00

After spending years retreating within myself I feel that it is time to begin an outward journey. Suddenly I want to get back in the classroom, but with being gone so long I doubt I'll get an interview. Knowing this, I can plan to get back into it. I am going to apply for some jobs (this time around I know not to take anything I'm not ready for). If I don't get anything by the end of the month I'm going to sign up to teach Sunday school - experience and (hopefully) a reference all in one. I'll have to find out if there's any additional volunteer work or anything I can do besides subbing.

It's a daunting thing. I know how hard it is to get started and I know how disinclined I am to such massive efforts. All of the things that I have been aching over while trying to figure out how I want to earn a living are a part of teaching: being a part of something bigger and more important than myself, having children, not being on my feet or sitting all day, and getting to socialize. The more I think about it the more I actually get excited about the prospect. I let myself get discouraged and depressed from not finding a steady job and I quit. I can't let myself do that again.

It's nice to have something to look forward to.

Waiting

2010-09-07T16:07:00.002-06:00

Besides being expensive to get trained - the grooming money comes from dogs so that ain't gonna happen. Someday maybe I'll learn how to groom Veritas, but for now brushing is about as much as she can stand.

So now I'm unemployed with no idea of what to do. Everything I've tried has been awful and it's not easy to put so many bad experiences behind me to try again. I wish I could go back and do it all differently and not wind up with so much debt. I doubt I'm alone in that. If only I had been informed that I'd lose my job before the sub deadline passed. Teaching really isn't for me, but at least it was a little something.

For now I'm just praying that God will provide something tolerable.

Ooh. Thought.

2010-06-27T12:25:00.002-06:00

Cat groomer!

Your thoughts? Where do I learn it? I shall have to make some phone calls and visits to grooming ppl. But I don't wanna do dogs.

Thinking

2010-06-17T10:41:00.002-06:00

Read this on johnortberg.com today (and also a good one on flourishing):

How Do I Know God's Will for My Life?
I was at commencement at a Christian college this weekend, and it reminded me of the question millions of young people are asking this time of year.
We never grow out of that question: Who is operating out of a wisdom surplus?

But the vast majority of people start at the wrong place.
When I finished college, I desperately wanted to know what I should do next. Find a job? Go to grad school? Where? In what field?
I prayed until I was exhausted (and God was probably a little tired of it too). I was ready to do whatever. Just send me a postcard. Put it in sky writing. But I would have gotten more clarity with a Magic 8 ball.
For a good reason.
Which I did not understand for many years. And its this:
God's main purpose for you is not what you do. Its who you become.

If I always told my kids what do to–wear these clothes, take this job, marry this person–they might do what I say. Their circumstances might even turn out OK.
But they would not grow into excellent persons.
To grow into an excellent person, you have to make choices, exercise judgment, take responsibility, and learn.
There is no short-cut for this.
So, if I want my children to become excellent people–my will for their life will often be: "You choose."

God knew that I would grow if I had to make choices in ways I would never grow if I got a heavenly postcard.

"God's will" is not a way of escaping the anxiety and responsbility of making decisions.

I had a friend–a really bright guy and great New Testament scholar–who was convinced it was God's will for him to marry the girl he wanted to marry because a certain song played at a certain moment on a certain radio station.
It wasn't God's will. It was just a Barry Manilow marathon.
Sometimes a Barry Manilow marathon is just a Barry Manilow marathon.

How do I know God's will for my life?
–Live this day in an open, repentant spirit.
–Understand that living in God's will often means I must make decisions.
–Pray constantly, regularly asking for wisdom in small moments, without placing pressure on God to give any particular kind of response.
–"Let your life speak": Parker Palmer wrote a wonderful book by this title from an old Quaker saying; if you look at the trajectory of your life with simplicity and openess certain patterns will emerge that will help you understand your shape and gifts and longings
–Have wise, godly people speak into your life with love and truth
–Be willing to make mistakes and learn from them quicker rather than slower
–Have a mind immersed with great thoughts from Scripture
–Practice making decisions and learning from them all day long
–Live in freedom and joy. Trust God that He can guide you into His will without your obsessing over it.

So maybe it's not about what I do, but much more about what I become (not really sure what I'm becoming either). I regret so many of my decisions it's excruciating for me to make more; especially the big ones like where to live. I don't know what's next and since so much of it doesn't really matter to me I've been waiting for clear directions. All this thinking is overwhelming me and making my head hurt.

Odd the way links go - I've been thinking about a different blog all week and was looking up passages and translations related to that where I found a link to an interesting book by John Ortberg which inspired me to go to his site where I read what I quoted... I wish my Veritas were here with me now so I could take a break from the thinking and just feel her softness.

Touch of Nostalgia

2009-09-08T10:55:00.005-06:00

Just a couple of my favourite pictures from when my baby really was a baby.

What a Burden

2009-01-28T10:50:00.002-06:00

has been lifted. I faxed in a letter explaining that I was no longer taking the mat leave and I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from me. I didn't even dread going to work at Marriott last night. Still had stupid people to deal with, but I left work with a smile on my face - and not a "I'm just so glad to be going home" kind of smile. It's the morning after and I still feel good. I did so much better on the treadmill than I have been (as tho it were a physical weight that had been lifted) so I'm getting to be a little proud of myself. I still have a bunch of work to do by Friday since that's when applications for next year need to be handed in, but I'm confident that I can get it done.

Thank you so much for your prayers during this rough time for me. I couldn't have survived without them. There's still a long journey ahead (like, where do I go from here?), but I've had a little faith restored that I can make it through.

Rollercoaster

2009-01-26T17:54:00.002-06:00

I hate rollercoasters. Sometimes I get myself all psyched up to ride one, but then I don't stand in line long before I realize that I don't want to get on. This past week has been like a big dumb rollercoaster that I can't seem to get off of. The real estate agent in Macklin had more numbers for me to call, none of which turned out, and calling the school only produced more numbers to call. I missed that deadline to send in the permission for the district to draw up a contract, but apparently that didn't matter. I spent all week on the phone seeing if there was anything to rent. I finally found something I could look at and went to Provost on Friday. The house ended up having visibly tilted floors - definitely not a place I felt safe in. I had a quick visit with the teacher going on mat leave (who forgot to call the school to say she'd be late) and found out that there is also Grade 3 with this job. Makes me wonder if they left anything else out. Anywho, I still haven't found a place and called the principal to insist that he proceed to the next candidate (which should have been done when I missed the deadline to sign the letter) and found that I am the only person they're considering. So now I feel guilty, but I really don't want to go anymore. He left me with more phone numbers (which I still haven't called). So I've been crying all day and trying to figure out what the heck God wants me to do and I still haven't come to a conclusion. I want to stay home, but now I have all this guilt because they didn't bother to find someone else.

No Place to Live

2009-01-19T15:32:00.004-06:00

I'm sitting here waiting for one last phone call from a realty office in Macklin to see if there's anything there I can rent. It's not exactly close to Provost, but it's my last idea. I have less than 2 hours to sign this acceptance letter and fax it in to the school district. I just don't feel comfortable signing something without a place to stay until the end of the term. I don't understand why. I've been praying for a job and finally get one, but I can't take it without a place to live. I just hope that something else comes up really soon. I'll repost if this phone call has something, but it didn't sound like there's ever availability.

Well

2009-01-13T13:33:00.003-06:00

I was offered and accepted the new job. I'll be teaching Grade 6 in the afternoons and 4,5, and 6 French and Music in the mornings. It's a little daunting, but at least it's not as bad as the spectrum I was responsible for in Edam. I'm still not sure how I feel. Teaching is good, but moving is bad. For now, this is what I'll be doing. The initial contract only goes until the end of June. I can handle 5 months, I'm sure, especially since my expectations will be far lower than when I went to Edam. If I like it I can accept the renewal, and if not, then I won't. So please keep a sad lonely teacher in your prayers. Finding a nice place to live will also make a big difference. However, if I can't find a decent place to live at a reasonable rate then I won't be able to sign the contract. Everything is just so confusing.

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

2009-01-08T11:05:00.002-06:00

Once again this question is upon me. When I interviewed in Provost in December I wasn't sure whether or not I wanted the job because I really didn't want to move. I still don't want to move, but I hate working at Marriott. I don't know if I'm being offered the job or asked to interview again, but it's still a decision I need to make by tomorrow. I don't want to agree to an interview and then decide in my heart that I'm not going. I wish God was more clear about these things. I just need direction.

To top it all off, I'm not feeling well. Starting cramping at work last night with no possibility of leaving early and I'm still hurting today. Went to work last week and got to spend time just watching movies on my ipod and not even needing to keep an ear out for the phone (there were just too many people) and this week we'll have 50+ ppl waiting on the phone and ppl who wait on hold for over an hour. I just don't understand why you wouldn't make a reservation on the internet and call back with questions when the wait time is shorter. Crazy people.

Not This Time

2008-11-13T23:03:00.001-06:00

That'd be a 'no' on the job thing.

One more day with the Grade 3's and then I don't know what until I don't know when.

Thank You Jesus

2008-11-12T01:28:00.002-06:00

So I get off work around 1am tonite and I'm driving home. Everything seems normal. I'm the only car on the highway. All of a sudden I see a deer running accross the road, but it's not one deer it's two. I drove right between them. Any earlier or later and it'd have been a major accident. Thank you for keeping me safe, Jesus.

Hafta Wait

2008-11-10T18:44:00.002-06:00

I won't know about the job until Wednesday or Thursday so neither will you. It wasn't my best interview, but it wasn't bad. There are at least three other candidates and they're also considering me for a position that doesn't start until February, so my hopes aren't high for this one. We'll just have to wait and see what God has planned.

Interview Tomorrow

2008-11-09T23:56:00.003-06:00

I don't know how to pray. I hate moving. I don't know what the town is like (only that it's not really close enough to a decent city). It's only a mat leave until the end of the school year. It is good experience and a foot in the door of a well-paying district. I never get around to making up a portfolio that has more than my resume and references inside. I don't want to look like a fool. I just don't know whether or not I really want this job - I only pray that God only offers it if He intends for me to take it. Please pray with me and for me. And also for safety as the weather is being bad and getting all windy and freezing rainy and stuff. I'm stressing while I should be sleeping, but I'm going to try going to bed anyway.

You've Probably Already Heard...

2008-11-03T11:33:00.002-06:00

that I went to the hospital on Saturday. My hemoglobin was low so they pumped me full of blood (a day late too be Dracula, darn!) and sent me home. I'll have a couple weeks to see how things go and then I'll see a specialist so we can try to find out why I was so low. I'm fine now, though I felt fine before. I'm a little sticky and bruised - took 7 pokes to get the IV in, plus two to give some blood back for tests. That was definitely not fun. I don't like needles. So whatever you heard, I'm fine now. No worries.

So Exhausted

2008-10-30T23:22:00.002-06:00

Going from playing on the computer for weeks to working 5 days a week for 4 weeks is really taking a lot out of me. I just feel so tired and like I really don't want to go to work tomorrow. Taking reservations is not a bad job (most calls), but it is repetitive and draining.

On a better note (well, better for me), I'm getting 6 sub days over the next two weeks which might turn into 6 weeks of subbing. Hopefully I'll be able to get rid of my shifts while I'm doing that since working 9am to 1am does not appeal to me. We'll see how things go. Of course, I would rather find something full-time that is contracted to the end of the year. Even better would be getting a permanent full-time contract. I guess God will provide as He sees fit.

Hola

2008-10-17T22:00:00.002-06:00

I've just finished my second week of training. I really don't think that this job is going to be all that bad. I'm certainly qualified for better, but this will have to do until God brings something else. I'm going to be taking reservations for Mariott hotels. I'm only doing that part-time as I still want to have full availability for subbing. Sadly, I haven't gotten any more calls for that. It's kind of upsetting, but I'm keeping myself busy with World of Warcraft. I've met some new people and it feels good when they're so appreciative of my skills :) Socializing with people I know in real life is still something I like to do, so drop me a line or give me a call anytime you want to talk.

~Blessings to all of y'all~

It's Gonna Be OK

2008-10-06T21:45:00.002-06:00

So I had my first day at my new job. It won't be as bad as I thought it would be. Some of the perks are more than I imagined. That is all.

Back to School

2008-09-10T16:10:00.002-06:00

I had my first subbing day today. The kids were pretty good. The school is a little odd in that some of the classes are 3/4, 4/5, 4/5/6, and 5/6. Everyone's split. I was nervous this morning but I had done most of my prep yesterday so I didn't have much to worry about. As I was waiting for the ferry I realized that I don't think I've been on it since I got my driver's license. Long time. It did feel good to be back in a teaching role.

Bad Blogger

2008-09-02T13:03:00.001-06:00

I'm sorry. I'm just not good at keeping up a blog when nothing is going on. Who wants to read about my boring life? I ate, I slept, I was on the computer, ummm... sadly that's pretty much all I do. Now that it's September I'll at least get out a few days and do some subbing. Yoga should be starting up soon as well. For now I'm just hoping for better days ahead.

Nothing to Report

2008-08-15T13:23:00.001-06:00

It's been almost 2 weeks since I last posted something, so I figured I should let y'all know I'm still here. As you can guess from the title, I don't really have anything to say. Just waiting.

Although, I did start reading The Divine Romance. I'm really excited about it. The Lord is speaking to me and I've only barely begun.

Too Young

2008-08-02T19:05:00.003-06:00

I found out from one of my Grade 4 students yesterday that one of my kindergarten students was killed on Thursday. He was a great kid - all the kindergarteners were. He was quadding and flipped and got choked by the handlebars. The death of a student, especially one so young, was certainly not something I had expected to hear about within my first year of teaching. My heart goes out to his family, classmates, and community. In a village that size, it really makes a difference. Having 6 students in that grade, instead of 7, will be a permanent hole.

First Grooming!

2008-07-23T18:20:00.004-06:00

I did it! I got my baby groomed.

Before:

and After:

I know she looks a little weird, but I really do love it. She smells nice, she doesn't look as hot, and she's still super soft. The groomer even put a matching bow on her collar. She seemed quite happy when I picked her up. Veritas even got out of her carrier to show off the new look and didn't complain.

Wedding

2008-07-20T11:11:00.002-06:00

Another baby cousin is now hitched! Congrats Kim! {and yes, I know you're not really a baby, you're just 4 years younger than me} I truly am happy for all my people who have found their soulmates, but it sure makes me wonder just how lost mine really is! I know I'm not that old, but I sure feel like I am. Most of my friends have babies and I just always thought I'd be working on my first by now. I definitely never thought I'd still be waiting for the man.

Pray!

2008-07-09T21:58:00.002-06:00

Hello All,

I'd like to ask you all to join me in prayer tonight and tomorrow as there will be an emphasis on accepting Jesus at VBS tomorrow. The kids will still have a chance on Friday, but that's more of a wrap up. Tomorrow accepting the Saviour will be our focus. I have some really adorable kids. Some of them have already been through a lot. I've enjoyed being with them and absolutely loved leading worship. I didn't realize how much I had missed that.

July is Here

2008-07-04T12:19:00.003-06:00

It's nice to be away from Edam, but I am going crazy wondering what God will provide for the fall. Living at home really needs to just be a short-term solution.

Went to the fireworks on Canada. They were great. I really enjoyed them.

All Done

2008-06-27T20:28:00.002-06:00

Yay! Father God let us have good weather to load up the van. I wasn't as ready as I hoped I would be, but Mom and a very nice Auntie Lori didn't complain and swiftly went to work packing and loading my things. It stopped raining shortly before they got to Edam and started again while we drove. I still have some things in my car, but I don't want to think about them until I've dealt with the stuff that did get brought inside. My bed and my desk are already assembled, tho I'll probably spend tonite in Karen's room so that I don't have to do laundry/make my bed just yet.

Veritas seems happy to have me home. She's quite liking my bed right now. It's funny. I've certainly missed her this week. Well, I should go back to unpacking now. I've got so much to figure out yet - things don't fit quite as well in my room as I had envisioned.

Moving Day!

2008-06-27T08:42:00.001-06:00

I've got to head off to school in just a moment here, but as soon as I'm done Mom will be here and we will be moving my stuff out of Edam!! I am very happy about that. I'm quite tired since I've been working since 4am, but I'll get over it as soon as I see Mom :)

I just pray that the rain pauses for us while we load things up.

Excitement is in the Air

2008-06-26T07:52:00.002-06:00

Everyone will be so excited today. The students have a half day, which will we be spent playing games and cleaning up, and then all they have to do is get their report cards tomorrow. I have no idea how many come for that - they get popped in the mail at noon so I wouldn't think it a big deal. I already know of a few students that won't be there due to summer vacation. Sadly, I have to be at school all day today and 9am to noon tomorrow. I'm pretty much done everything I have to do. The rest would just be favours and what-not. I still have a fair bit of packing and cleaning to do, but I am confident that I can get it done tonite - as long as I don't turn the computer on. I won't pack it in case I finish before 9, but I've learned my lesson about turning it on thinking that I'll just use it to turn on the music. I've lost too many days to just sitting in front of the computer playing solitaire or just staring at it. I'll disconnect the speakers and just use my iPod. Oh - I guess I'll have to turn on the computer to charge that, but I'll still wait until 9. Gotta have some motivation!

Tomorrow I move home. I am so happy about that. I've been looking forward to it since January ;)

5 more sleeps...

2008-06-22T16:30:00.003-06:00

Until I move home for good! Yay! Well, I guess not for good since I have to move out eventually, but my time in Edam is almost over and I am grateful for that. I moved a bunch of stuff home this weeken (including my baby whom I miss already). There's still a tonne to do this week. I really shouldn't have spent so much time procrastinating over the last few months, but its tough to get cracking when you feel so overwhelmed and don't know where to start. Fortunately, I do have a couple of days. I also need to finish packing and then clean up and be ready for the van to get here for my stuff.

Still no word on a job for fall, but I have faith that it will all work out.

Please say I'm Done

2008-06-16T16:30:00.002-06:00

The kids are definitely done. Who told them they could stop paying attention in June? All kids should be informed that school ends in July so that they know not to shut down until then. I really just wanted to cry today. Tomorrow won't be so bad as my 8/9 class will be in Saskatoon and I only have the 6s for one period. I just have to keep telling myself "11 more sleeps" until tomorrow when I can make the 11 a 10 and pretty soon that 10 will be a 1 and then I'll live at home and be praying for a job.

Yay for Fridays!!

2008-06-13T15:47:00.002-06:00

Only a couple left :) I am so ready to be done with this school. There's so much wrong with it and I've picked up some really bad habits that I want to break immediately. Fortunately some field trip action will take care of a couple of my problem classes and I'll probably take my EDO on Friday. Doesn't look like I'll bet getting called for an interview before the end of the year anyway. I'm feeling good right now and I just hope that translates into getting through that mountain they call marking this weekend.

A Decision... for now

2008-06-08T14:57:00.002-06:00

Well, I think I've decided that I'm not ready for this. Besides really not having the time to take such a long drive, my car desperately needs to see a mechanic before leaving the province. When I talk to the principal again I will let him know that if the other candidates don't work out then we could make schedule something for that first week in July when I could spend the week out there and really get to know the community before making my decision. Most of it sounds so wonderful, but it is so isolated. It's been an awful year and I'm only two hours from home. How much worse might it be when I'm 2 hours from a city where I don't know anyone? I will leave it in God's hands. Although, I hope his hands place me back at home for this year and maybe in Edmonton area next year.

Not Again

2008-06-06T15:56:00.002-06:00

The last time I had an interview I wondered whether or not it was a job that I would want to accept. I now have so many days where I regret the decision I made. I now have another interview that I've been asked to go. This time the job sounds wonderful - Christian Kindergarten classroom, lots of support - but it's even further from home and civilization and I just don't know what to do. I want to stay home (or maybe go to Edmonton), but I really want to work. If I were to meet friends there it would help, but there's just no guarantees with me. Why can't God give me some easy decisions? I need help finding out what He wants and then doing that, regardless of what I want. I've been told that we get our desires from God and that's part of how we know what He wants, but what if I'm just being a fraidy-cat or selfish? How do i KNOW?

End of May

2008-05-31T19:27:00.001-06:00

Well I'm enjoying a mostly beautiful weekend at home. The weather keeps changing every few minutes from cloud and rain to sun and warmth. Prairie weather. Ah well - the rain mostly held off while I was outside and came when I was in stores.

I enjoy getting time to just chill out (even though I know I should be working...). No calls for an interview yet, but I'm still praying.

Application

2008-05-28T07:29:00.002-06:00

Well I just sent in a few applications to teach around my hometown. My hands are clasped and I am desperately hoping to hear from these guys. I know that if I get called for an interview they will have already called my references and that's a good thing. I'm really excited. If I can get the school I want I'll be able to walk to school and not have to pay rent (or at least not a lot of rent).

Your prayers are needed in this. Thank you.

Major Obstacle

2008-05-27T19:54:00.002-06:00

So today I've encountered a major obstacle in my back up plan: Veritas doesn't like cats. I'm not sure what it is she doesn't like, but she really doesn't like them. I went over to the neighbours' today to check out the baby kittens. One of my students cats' had kittens and then was eaten by a fox so his cousin's girlfriend volunteered to nurse them. They are so adorable. There's a black boy with white paws. The rest are girls: one is white, one is an orange tabby, and the other is calico. They're about 2 1/2 weeks old and so active. I forgot how much I love them when they're so so tiny. They are a lot of work, though. Anyway, I asked to 'borrow' one so that I could see if Veritas would be more accepting of a kitten than the other cats that she's seen and she hissed and growled and even snorted at the tiny white furball. She didn't try to attack it or anything, but she might a lot of noise. Fortunately the kitten didn't sense any harm and was, frankly, just fine with the whole arrangement. Veritas still has a problem with the shirt I was wearing when I let the kittens climb all over me. We're going to have to work on that because I'm definitely getting at least one more cat when I'm able to do so.

Oops

2008-05-22T20:12:00.002-06:00

Whoops, I haven't posted in 2 weeks. Sorry about that. Did anyone notice?

Lots has happened. My very bestest and dearest friend came out from BC and we went to Phantom of the Opera and Prince Caspian. Both were fabulous. We had a wonderful time and I am reminded how desperately I need a support system. Even though the visit was far too short I am simply glad it happened.

In other news - City of Heroes has released Issue 12!! Lots of exciting features in my favourite MMORPG.

No news on the job front yet. I've been doing lots of applying, but have not heard anything back yet. Hands are clasped in prayer.

Busy Busy

2008-05-08T20:12:00.002-06:00

We're a week into May now and there's still a lot to do before June. Oh well, can't do everything right the first time around. I'm just hoping to make it to the end of June and hopefully God will have told me what's up for the fall.

Oh yeah. The concert was great. I had forgotten how much I loved to hear David Nasser speak. Since the floor gave way in Abbotsford, they've changed their focus. They feel a greater sense of urgency. It was pretty neat to hear them talk about it and how it's the first time in Canada for the openers (Bethany Dillon and Shane & Shane).

Sadly, I won't be home for Mother's Day. Sorry, Mommy, but I still love you. Gas is super expensive and I was home last weekend and I'll be heading home next weekend with my bestest friend and we're going to see Phantom of the Opera!! Woohoo!! I'm so totally looking forward to that.

May

2008-05-01T21:52:00.002-06:00

A new month. Hopefully this will be a good one. I'm just glad I survived the last one. We now have a new EA at the school to work with my biggest problem every afternoon (which is the only time I have him). I cannot tell you what a huge difference this has made this week. Tomorrow we're even going to try an art project that is a bit more fun - as long as I can find the supplies I need :/

Tomorrow night I'm going home. I'm excited to be able to see Starfield and Bethany Dillon in concert. David Nasser will be speaking there as well. It's too bad about the collapse in Abbotsford. I'm just glad that my cousins are fine. I'll be doing some chillaxing as well. I'm so exhausted I just need some rest. I better do some job app stuff too. Oh dear. Ah well. It is in the Lord's hands.

Sprinter or Wing?

2008-04-25T17:08:00.002-06:00

If I had a camera I totally would have taken a picture of my car. Why? It's snowed in. It started snowing when I got back from Lloyd last weekend and has continued off and on since then. The town's idea of solving the problem is several mounds in the middle of main street (seriously big enough to toboggan down). It makes the roads miserable because it freezes every night and the snow is so heavy and wet that you never know if that's road or ice. Some days, apparently, you couldn't even be sure you were on the road. Craziness. I can't remember the last April there was a foot of snow outside my window.

I don't really mind the snow - I'm more concerned that the sun rises before 7 and sets after 8. I like my light. Unfortunately, the snow is difficult to walk in so I won't be doing any walking until that's gone. Yoga was cancelled due to the snow as well. So it's actually bad for my health. Oh yeah, I have another cold. Good thing I stocked up on tissues.

Cause for Concern

2008-04-17T17:14:00.003-06:00

The worst thing about small towns is that it is so easy for other people to find out where you live. Some things my students say have me wondering if this is a safe place for my cat. My things can be replaced, but Veritas can't. She has seriously become like my baby and is definitely a part of who I am. I even miss her when I go home for the weekend. I need to get out of here asap. I just pray that the next 2 months fly by ever so quickly with a slight pause while Jen is out.

On a brighter note, I had another yoga class on Tuesday night. I felt this one a little more, but I'm still enjoying it. It's nice to get some movement in and I know 3 faces in the class, plus I should soon recognize the instructor's face (hey - once a week is hard for me). Also, as long as the weather holds, I'll get to see another friend this weekend :)

Yoga

2008-04-09T15:24:00.003-06:00

Had my first yoga class last night. It was really good. I'm glad that I decided to go for it. I'm definitely going to continue next year when I live closer to a city (because no way can I stay here). Hopefully it helps me get all slim and trim and yum.

My day today is not so good and I don't want to spread that negativity right now so that's all I'm going to say.

Good Job!

2008-04-07T11:57:00.002-06:00

Direct quote from my superintendant - "Do you belong at the front of the classroom? Yes!" He was quite emphatic about it. I guess I impressed him. It's nice to know that I can do that when I'm able to put the work in - which isn't often. Ah well. He gave me a couple of things to work on and I intend to do so. I was quite pleased with the way the class turned out - even if it did start getting out of control towards the end. I can also make play dough on my own now :) I wish I had 2 or 3 hours right now just to work, but lunch is only 50 minutes and then it's back to classes. One really could spend endless hours just planning out what's going on. Tomorrow will be a challenge as health is the worst subject, but I'll just do what I can and try to not get down on myself. I am only a first-year teacher, after all.

What's New?

2008-04-05T15:32:00.002-06:00

There's nothing new with me so I hope there's something new with you, dear reader. I did make some banana bread today. It's still hot so I haven't tried it yet. It should be good. I also managed to do a little cleaning. So things in the residence are pretty good. I just need to get things rolling on the school front. My superintendant is going to watch a class on Monday. Unfortunately it's one of the difficult junior high classes, but my principal sat in on Thursday and gave me some advice that I'll try to apply. Next weekend I'll be home again:) The weekend after I'm meeting up with a good friend and we're going to make my portfolio look awesome. So hopefully I'll get a great job for the fall.

Back in the Boonies

2008-03-30T18:32:00.003-06:00

The next 3 months are going to seem really long. I want to try to be positive and do more than just survive. I find it really hard to find things to be thankful for. Loneliness is hard to see past. But I'm going to give it a try. I've decided that this year is already a write off and I'm simply going to experiment for myself. The kids will catch up next year or will find that it didn't matter anyway. I still have a tonne of work that I put off and put off (that's what denial does to you). Hopefully, I'll get through that and not completely waste my students' time. At least now I know that I'm not meant to teach Junior or Senior High. I am an elementary generalist through and through. I also know that I don't like to be very far from shopping ;) even online shopping doesn't replace spending two hours to browse through a mall. I didn't even have to buy anything to enjoy myself. I'm definitely hoping for Edmonton next year - or back home, but I'll settle for Calgary or near other friends.

Please pray that I find simple joys and can bring a positive attitude to school. And also for a single grade classroom in Edmonton or Warman areas, preferably in a Christian school.

Mmm Mmm Good

2008-03-26T18:40:00.001-06:00

I made our supper tonight. It was pretty good. Claret Ham Stir Fry with rice and some wacky cake for dessert. Sadly it didn't look quite as pretty as I was hoping (have some pointers for next time), but it did taste pretty good.

New Toy

2008-03-24T13:32:00.003-06:00

Okay, my spoiled baby got a new toy last weekend and I'm finally able to post it :)

Home Again

2008-03-20T21:14:00.003-06:00

Veritas and I have made it safely home. I don't know how we're ever going to leave. I'm certainly not looking forward to going back, but I'm going to try not to think about that. I'm home for now and have the opportunity to chill out and get some work done.

Going Home

2008-03-14T09:28:00.002-06:00

Well, in 2 hours I plan to leave this no-horse town and head on home. I just need to do the dishes and try to get some marking done - I keep putting that off. Is it wrong to just give everyone 88%? It's just going to be nice to be at home where life feels more manageable. I still need to get a lot done. Job hunting season is descending and I need to make sure that I've got an application package ready. I'll miss Veritas this weekend, but in less than a week she'll be coming home with me. Yay for holidays so close together (boo for the next three months with one day off)!

Anywho, should get to work now...

Another Week Gone By

2008-03-07T17:39:00.003-06:00

Well, I have now officially survived 2 months out in the middle of nowhere teaching what I wasn't trained for. In reflection, I have more days where I wish I would never have taken this job than days I'm glad my resume has something more on it. I don't know what it would take to make it better - other than getting my own classroom in a grade I'm prepared for. Even the Grade 12s were bad today. Usually they are fairly understanding, but today they were mad 'cuz they were making a simple cake that they're going to decorate on Tuesday. I could have just given them pieces of cardboard to decorate. Ah well, c'est la vie. I've got lots of work to keep me busy this weekend, but I plan on sleeping late tomorrow. I can't seem to get up during the week and I'm not sure if I've created some sleep debt or if it's just my body reacting to the stress. Guess we'll see if this helps.

For now, I'm not at the school and I'm content. I'll be even happier to go home next weekend and the following weekend (which will be the start of Easter Break!). Thank you all so much for your prayers and support. They are greatly appreciated.

Oh yeah - the weather has taken a beautiful turn. It was cold yesterday, but apparently it's +3 outside and supposed to stay around 0 all week! I'm definitely thankful for that!

Success!

2008-02-29T20:30:00.002-06:00

Well, I took my principal's advice. I worked really hard all evening and into the night. I almost slept in, but thankfully that second alarm wakes everybody. The class actually went okay. No stupid or derogatory comments. They shared. They stayed on track. I didn't have to reprimand anybody! I'm still soo tired and there's definitely too much to do before Sunday (because I want that day off for once)! Ah well - my fault for not setting aside specific time over the break. Better get to work tho - those marks are due 9am on Monday!

Evaluation

2008-02-28T21:03:00.002-06:00

Tomorrow my principal is going to sit in on a class for the first time. I had asked her to help me out with the Grade 8/9s and she said she'd come in. I figured it was mostly to keep the kids in line and maybe offer me some advice, but it's going to be an evaluation. Crazy. I don't know if I'm ready for this (even in any other district I'd probably have had a couple by now). I was at school until 8:30 just trying to put this unit together (because it's not just about the lesson) and I'm still not done. I think it looks a little too bare-bones, but it's not like I haven't told her that I'm struggling. We'll see how it all goes. She gave me a TON to think over tonight. The unit does have good potential - it needs more flushing out. The problem is spending all my time on this thing when I have 50 hours of grading to do and I haven't planned for any of the other 5 classes tomorrow. Unfortunately those are the classes that rarely get their due. What a gong show.

Well that's my vent - I gotta go. Dishes are done, but there are clothes to pick up, notes to type, a shower to take, a plan to get down on paper, and who knows what else!

Please pray for me! Oh yes - I'm still a little sick, but it's mostly a nose that won't quit and some unexplained forehead sweat.

Sick Sucks

2008-02-27T23:01:00.002-06:00

Okay, so I did make it back to Edam. ~sigh~ Veritas was mostly pretty good in the car, let out a couple mewls, but then she cried all the way from North Battleford to here. I mean, give me a break - I wanted to cry! I already didn't feel well on Sunday, but I wanted to go to church and I'm so glad I did because Bethany was there and it was fabulous. It was also nice to hug my aunt good-bye. Lunch was lunch, but the dining companions are always a joy ;) And of course I didn't do anything useful Sunday night.

So Monday I'm feeling yuckish, but I write it off to back-to-school/haven't-planned-anything blues and slooooowly walk to school. Everyone tells me how awful I look and convince me to ask for a sub. I'm so glad I did. I slept for hours when I finally made it home. Everytime I woke up my baby was either by my side or on my chest, suffocating the life out of me. Just her way of showing she cares. I was impressed, anyway.

So today I'm mostly feeling better except that my nose is extremely stuffy and I feel like I lost half of my brain or something odd up there. And my voice sounds really off. However, I still haven't managed to get anything accomplished and now have only a few days to get my marks done. Which brings me to the question of the day - what would you do if someone took your tests and the paper you recorded most of them on? One of my colleagues figures they'll turn up, I'm hoping it's before report card day, or else I don't know what to do. Whatever. I still have to mark their papers anyway, and I do have those.

This really is a procrastination post - I'm sure you can tell by the length. I'll really have to force myself to make sure that I get enough done during the day tomorrow before I even let myself turn my home computer on. I'm so baaaad.

Not Ready to Go

2008-02-23T18:37:00.002-06:00

When times are hard I sure miss living at home. There's food, tv, and Mom. Veritas likes the extra space. I get that things are supposed to be difficult and I don't mind some of the hard things. It's that attitude where no one cares if anyone does well because no one fails and there aren't any real consequences. I also don't have the background knowledge I need to teach things well. I honestly thought that the year would be mostly planned out and I would just need to tweak it to my preferences. I guess good teachers are hard to find. I really feel like a bad teacher - even though it's my first year and I shouldn't expect to be good yet. Guess I'm just envious of the friends who seem like they've got it made.

There's still a ton of work to do before I go back tomorrow. Guess I should quit hugging the computer and get to it. I sure could use an assistant. Pray for me, please!

So Good!

2008-02-18T18:20:00.002-06:00

I loved my trip to Edmonton with Mom. I didn't find everything that I wanted (as if I could afford it all anyway), but I did get the desk I wanted and some dishes. I also found quite a few tops and a new pair of jeans. Mom did really well in the clothing department too. It was nice to just get away and I'm looking forward to spending the rest of the week at home. I just want to finish my grading tonight and get in a little rest. Oh yeah - I really need to do laundry as well :) And I have to clean up everything from setting up my desk ;) At least it worked out and I'm pretty happy with it.

TGIF :)

2008-02-15T17:28:00.002-06:00

I'm so excited. Mom's coming tonight and tomorrow we're off to Edmonton!!! I'm going to buy out IKEA and maybe a couple malls. I don't want to forget Education Station or anywhere else I might go ;) I'm also excited to meet up with some old friends. I'll get to meet baby Allen for the first time and see a little prego belly. Funfun! It'll also be nice to spend some quality time with Mom. There just isn't enough time in the world to do everything you want. At least I get the chance to do some things.

Flying high XD

2 More Days

2008-02-13T16:36:00.003-06:00

Thursday and Friday are going to be sooooooo long. I'm really just ready to give up on the whole lot. I don't know what to do with them. It's not any one thing, but it is everything. I can't seem to focus on anything. There's so much to do and I can't seem to decide where to start. I have tests to make, lessons to prepare, grading to do, and I could probably use a good cry. There's also marks to prepare and after-winter-break to plan. If I stay here for next year - I'm switching to part-time. I will do Home Ec and I will do 2 elementary classes (more if the others are computers, preferably not both science) and I will even do the RBLs, but I will not do Health. I can even make a full-time schedule out of that. Ah well, we'll see what God does.

Here's looking forward to a good winter break!

Another Week Begins

2008-02-11T15:56:00.000-06:00

and I want it to be over already. I'm going to be worse than the kids this week. I am so excited to go to Edmonton with Mom and get a new desk and some kitchen stuff. Just totally absolutely STOKED! Also exciting is a whole week without students. Yay! I can't believe it! I'll get a couple days to work at home and then there's a giant teachers' convention in Saskatoon. Apparently it only happens every 5 years or something so I got hired at the right time. It should be pretty good. I'm looking forward to it anyway.

If anyone has ideas to help me get through this week without wasting the students' time - I'd sure appreciate it. I'm just too excited to plan or grade (even though there's a million hours of each to do).

Another Tough Day

2008-02-05T15:29:00.001-06:00

Yesterday's meeting was pretty good. They went over some elements in unit planning and some really great technology integration stuff. It doesn't help me feel like I've got a grip on anything, though. My students don't think I'm a good teacher (one said so today) and I don't think I am either. There's just so much to do. I started and bam I was behind. Now that I've been here a month I'm a month behind. I knew it would be tough, but I didn't realize that Home Ec and Junior High (and even the elementary) would be this tough. Maybe I'm just not actually cut out for this field. I have good ideas, but no ability to carry anything through (or do any proper planning).

I just want to hide away and never come out.

Lost It

2008-02-01T11:37:00.000-06:00

Well I think I've quite lost my mind. I'm having brain farts all over the place. I'm finding it harder and harder to figure out what's going on and when. I found the year plans I'm supposed to be following and I'm quite behind in a class or two. I'm not ahead in anything ~sigh~. I'm frustrated with myself and this job. I'm realizing just how precious it is to have a single classroom that you're in charge of (or even two) rather than having two thirds of the school. You have to know everyone and you don't get a chance to get to know anyone. I'm frustrated that I don't know what I'm supposed to be teaching - not just what I'm supposed to teach, but the knowledge that goes with it. I don't know the curriculum guides or the informatin I'm supposed to be passing on. I don't want to regurgitate the internet to the students and I really don't want them to regurgitate that back to me. I guess I need to learn stuff - I really hope that next year I have less students to focus on and more time to prepare.

Snow Day!

2008-01-28T13:25:00.000-06:00

Well it's -29 feels like -44. Tomorrow when I walk to school it's supposed to be -41 feels like -54! So far my classes have had less than half their students. What a start to the new semester - can't actually start anything with so many absences. Ah well, c'est la vie. At least it's pretty quiet. Kindergarten was actually kind of fun this morning, so I'm now looking forward to that.

Hope y'all are feeling a little warmer than good ol' Edam.

Weekend

2008-01-27T20:43:00.000-06:00

What a nice weekend it was. Friday was planning day so I've had three days without any students. It's been very relaxing. I probably should have done some work, but I didn't. I just sat here and did nothing. It's been lovely. Still have to plan tomorrow - guess I'll be getting up early.

Tata for now.

Too Short

2008-01-21T07:53:00.000-06:00

Well, I'm back at school and definitely feeling like the weekend was far too short. I made it to the concert, but it wasn't as good as I would have hoped. Probably wouldn't have made a difference if I had skipped it. The new VeggieTales movie was good, but not as good as Jonah. I like my Veggies light-hearted and singing. Ah well - shopping was fairly successful. I found some new winter boots on sale, some kitchen items, and a few groceries. Hopefully I'll make a few more meals this week. Off to a poor start - just remembered I forgot breakfast :(

School still feels overwhelming. I sat down at my desk today and realized that there's a couple classes I don't have planned and I'm not sure where I'm supposed to be when my girls are writing their final (supposedly I cover for whichever teacher is monitoring the exam, but I have no idea who that would be). I really wish that the students would get time off to study for these. I also realized that at the end of the year they don't have any days off before report cards - how silly. So sorry, Brian and Miranda, but that means I won't be able to go to your grad ceremonies.

At least Veritas was really happy to have me back. She gave me a little lecture when I walked in and then spent the evening going crazy. We played together some and she ran back and forth lots. She's afraid of the new little tiny vac (not surprised), but she likes that I brought some more toys from home. She's actually playing with the glow-in-the-dark ball now.

Anywho, the day is about to begin and despite not being prepared for it I should give it a whirl.

My Kitty is Silly

2008-01-17T19:24:00.000-06:00

Veritas has her fountain all set up for fresh drinking water and she looks really funny when she licks the dome instead of drinking from the pool. The thing that makes her silly is that she likes to splash the water around before she drinks - like she's trying to dig through it. No wonder she goes through so much in a day.

On a happier note - I'm going home tomorrow! I'm so excited. I can't wait. I have so much to bring back with me. I need to buy some winter boots as mine are not suitable for standing in. I'm going to see The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything. Mom's making ribs for supper and is going to make me a batch of yummy yummy buns. Looks like a pretty good weekend. I just hope Veritas makes it through without me - no point dragging her home for 2 nights when the family will be out during the day in between.

Better Now

2008-01-11T15:20:00.000-06:00

I feel a bit better now. My cooking lab went pretty okay. I e-mailed the previous teacher with a few questions, but the students cooked and ate what they made so that's about what I hoped for. I had a chat with the receptionist so I got to learn about the budget and that Grade 9s are naturally horrible. She said the only they listen to is yelling and that's with her daughter in the class. It's not what I wanted to hear, but it does make me feel a bit better about myself. Come Jan 25 I'll only have them twice in a six day cycle so I'm not too concerned. For now - I'm planning Monday and then taking my work home with me to see how much I can do there. I'll be completely happy if I can figure out what's going on up to the end of the semester (aka the next 2 weeks). I also need to take a look further ahead in the classes that aren't ending simply because I want to know where those units are going.

Thanks in advance for your prayers.

Almost Crying

2008-01-11T11:44:00.000-06:00

I hate HATE junior high. They suck. I get that what they're doing isn't fun, but I don't have the experience or know-how to do the more fun things. By this age they should be able to relate consequences with their actions. Why don't they get that inability to keep the volume down results in less food labs? I'm totally being the teacher I never wanted to be. I'm yelling and giving so much desk/homework and pop quizzes. I hate not having any experience to draw on. I want to naturally interest the students and 'trick' them into learning. I want it to be a fun experience, but I just don't know what to do. I get that cooking labs are probably best, but without knowing how they work or what the budget is - what hope do I have? I am feeling so discouraged right now that I'm just not sure I can take even 6 months of this. I sure hope this afternoon goes better (although my students came and told me that they normally read during that time... grrr... sure wish someone would fill me in on all this stuff). I'm so tired and all I do is try to plan as best I can and it's all just poop. Can't I just crawl into bed and never come out?

Cooking Lab

2008-01-10T19:30:00.000-06:00

I have consented to (and purchased ingredients for) my very first cooking lab as a teacher. I couldn't find any marking guidelines or anything for how the exerience is to be used/directed. I'm really rather frustrated with the lack of information. It's no good having an EA walk into your class and say that a student is supposed to be taken out when you haven't given the homework questions. Fortunately, the EA organizer person took me aside today and let me know who needs stuff modified, who might curl up in the fetal position and refuse to speak to me (more than one actually), and some other behavioural things. Sure would have changed how I dealt with some of those students if I had known beforehand. I get that it's better for a teacher to form a new opinion of students, but you do have to let a teacher know when they need to modify questions or what to do with students who regularly refuse to communicate. Mostly I just feel mediocre. I just don't have the experience to do justice for my students. It will help knowing about the students (although I'm already forgetting which is which). Mostly I just need more time to plan stuff. Good thing tomorrow is Friday. I'm bad though - I have a class tomorrow for which I have not planned (Yikes!). I also want to get Monday's planning done in the morning so that I can use rest of day Friday and all day Saturday for more long-term planning. I'd like to get the rest of the semester planned out (sounds lofty but it's only 11 days after tomorrow). I'd also like to get an eye on what's coming up next semester.

I'm so tired when I get home that I hardly feel like eating, let alone preparing something. I've had KD twice since moving here when I was only planning on having it twice a month - at the most. At least I don't have to worry about going to bed at such a reasonable hour on Friday - I won't be going to school at 7:30 on Saturday. I might pop by to catch some of the basketball tournament and/or plan, but I'd like to do lots of my planning at home. I also want to try to get some time to just relax and remember that I'm still me (if I can remember who that is...)

1 Day Down...

2008-01-07T20:15:00.001-06:00

... and so many more to go. Today was a stressful day. I really haven't found my teacher voice with the high schoolers (especially Gr 7-9). I'm really not well-planned. I hadn't even really started stringing together units and today I realized that the regular teacher really hadn't planned the year either. Guess that's what happens when you cover a mat leave. After spending 11 hours at the school day, I do feel prepared for tomorrow. Then there's the rest of the week that needs work. The rest of the month, actually.

The best part of my day was coming home to find that the internet is working :) YAY!! I felt so cut off from the world. I missed logging onto my game, msn, e-mail, everthing. The phone also works, but not the phone I prefer :( For some reason my cordless won't communicate with its base. I'll keep trying to fiddle, but I don't know what would have happened to it. Ah well, at least I brought my back up phone.

Love you all. Please don't stop praying for me.

Just Breathe

2008-01-03T11:00:00.000-06:00

Well, in an hour or two I shall be off to Edam with Veritas to stay. I am totally nervous and scared and questioning my sanity. Unfortunately the phone people only go out there once a week, so I won't get phone (and that includes internet) until Monday. Which means no Sunday night/Monday morning post about how terrified I am to begin my first day. I will definitely post when internet is up and let you all know how it went.

For now - here is my house (i live on the right):

Exciting, but Scary

2007-12-29T18:32:00.000-06:00

Well, my landlady called to say that the apartment is ready (just needs more cleaning in the bathroom and awaiting the arrival of the fixed washer). I discussed it with my parents and we're going to move the majority of my stuff Tuesday, January 1. How exciting. I'll try to remember to get Mom to bring her camera along. If not I'll at least be able to post a picture of the living room where my webcam will pointed. I'll come back with my parents for chinese food and bowling with the Loewens and I'll spend Wednesday finishing off the packing and planning and move the rest of my stuff (including Veritas) on Thursday the 3rd. I'll notify the utilities and if they have to come over hopefully that day will be suitable for them. And that will leave me with Friday to access the school and finish planning my first week. I'll then use my weekend to plan some meals and relax before the start of the new school year.

Merry Christmas!!

2007-12-26T16:39:00.000-06:00

This Christmas saw the Loewens partying down in the fire hall. Quite a nice facility for us. Christmas Eve saw the Haskins out for supper and then to West Portal for their Christmas Eve service. We brought Grandma home with us and watched tv and went to bed. It's the first time I can remember not reading the full Christmas story - right from the angel talking to Mary all the way to the return from Egypt. In the morning we ended up waiting a little bit for my brother to drive over (he moved into the city during the summer). Santa got us lots and lots of little presents and some nice-sized cheques. After declining to return them for smaller sizes, we hung out until the dinner. A few people from each side of the family joined us for turkey.

I did go boxing day shopping, mostly because computer upgrades were at the top of my list and I wanted them last week. I got some ram, a new video card, and a web cam. Computer is running quite well now. I also picked up some DVDs, yoga pants, and some necessities. A mostly successful, but rather tiring day.

Now I'm going to be spending my time packing what I absolutely need for my move and planning out as much of January as I can. I'm excited to teach, but quite nervous, too.

I hope you all had a merry Christmas and that the new year finds you well. Until next time!